Totally at random:

I think the voice in my head... Has an english accent. Why is that? 

Jessi after the snow storm

Kids:

I love it when I catch my kids doing or saying something that is straight from my mouth, as if it were their own original thought. However, when I had this conversation with them earlier, they fought me tooth and nail. It just proves that kids have an innate need to reject authority. Even if they agree with what you're saying. It makes me smile inside.

You ever wonder how we learn to love? I have been thinking about that lately. I mean, I think that the average person believes that we learn how to love the same way we learn anything. We learn by example right? But what about if you had no real example? 

That question had me concerned about raising my own children. I worried for a long time that I wouldn't know how to love them. Sometimes I still check myself. I’m always afraid a demon will slip out and take over. Im cautious when criticizing the kids. I want them to always know they are my first priority. Nothing will ever come before them. I want my actions to prove to them that I love them. I want to create lasting memories that are happy  for them to reflect on as adults. I never want to be hurtful or unkind. For that is one of the things I know best. If what most people believe is true, than what I know to be loving is tearing them down so that they can build themselves back up.  I want them to have everything that I didn't. 

I look at my 9 year old daughter as she draws me a picture or asks me to sit and read with her. I think about at where I was when I was 9 years old. And I cannot wrap my mind around it.  I have a difficult time imagining my daughter feeling the way I felt. Or behaving the way I behaved. At 9 I had such adult sized concerns and fears. As a parent, I would do what ever I needed to do in order to save my daughter from having to be where I was when I was 9 years old. 

Its now just my daughter, but my sons too. My oldest is going to be 20. When I was 20, I was married and had a child. I watch my oldest navigate through his daily life, and wonder how he would manage a house, a child, a wife. I cant. It just isn't possible.

Im glad my children are just that ... Children. Im glad they don't need to make those kinds of choices and decisions. Not yet anyway.

I guess I turned out to be a good parent after all.

As my thoughts to turn to other things…. 

An apology is a good way to have the last word.