We all just need a little space.

Of course it snowed again, I live in Connecticut and its January. Thats all that happens here in January!  My poor dog has legs that only old him off the ground by about 4 inches. Add some snow and he is nose deep in it!  Poor old thing cant squat anywhere out there. Every time he tries, his ass hits the ice cold snow and, I swear I hear his Sphincter screaming “HELL NO”!!!! The wind pretty much blows him over too. Sometimes its entertaining to watch, but mostly its sad. Funny as hell...But sad. (Hehehe). We are expecting another storm Tuesday night. Oh joy.

Rant:

I HATE being cooped up in the house. So I do my “spring cleaning” in the winter. I’m a little OCD. So what of it! Ugh. I don't know why I hang on to so much crap. I say I’m going to clean things out, start sorting stuff and think; “ hmmm I might have a use for this in an art piece.”  Now I have bins of “might use stuff” that I know as soon as I toss will be needed. Thats one reason I need a studio outside of the house again. 

I can't stand working at home. I can't get much done and I have kids going through my stuff. You know how much Utrecht markers are? Or Faber-Castell pencils? Too damn much for the kids to use to doodle or write their names on books and back packs! I rarely get them back and when I do they look like a wild animal has been gnawing on them. They take liberty with my space because it is an open alcove of sorts. And that drives me insane. I have never been able to have a space in my own house that is just mine. That bothers me and then I feel selfish. I would rather have a studio outside the house anyway. Less distraction and more focus.

I’m a little pissy today. I thought I had a piece sold and then when they measured, realized it was too big. I offered to do a custom piece but they said it was this particular piece they liked and since it was glass work, they didn't think I’d “capture” it again. Arggg. Yet another reason I need a space to work. 

I need to be able to show my work like I did at the gallery. I miss that space. Without a place to have my work seen, how am I supposed to make a living? Right now, and for the foreseeable future, it is a choice between the mortgage and health related costs or a studio... Hmmm lets see. A studio is looking mighty good right about now.

END RANT

Im trying to work through some other recent disappointments, silly expectations of others, and old wounds that Im not sure how to go about healing. I have way too much on my mind to finish spring winter cleaning right now. Maybe I will go work for a bit. 

That being said, todays quote is a good one. 

~ There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love. ~

A little bit of therapy.

Yes, I have my Facebook, and thats fine for instant connections to my kids and friends. I really miss blogging though. I miss writing out all the random thoughts, silly ideas and pet peeves. It was almost therapeutic for me.  I could always use a little therapy right?

So, here I am. Some of my friends from Facebook will follow me over here via private invites. Others will be people that I follow here in blog land. But in this blog don't be surprised at what you see or what you read. I can go from refined to ridiculous in a snap! Having kids will do that to you I think. Well, kids and years of drug and alcohol usage. Haha.

• Work:

Its been quite a while since really I painted anything. Not totally due to lack of desire though. But as quickly as that desire seems to come on, it fades. I found myself flipping through an old sketchbook of trees that I had for a painting I did about 5 years ago. I was flooded with ideas. But the thought of getting everything together to start just felt like too much. Until about a week ago, my arms and hands were majorly effected by my Lupus and Fibro so it made working painful. Now that I have some relief I'd like to work... I guess I feel like I have no drive. How do I find that again?

• Family:

I like the idea of making your own family. People that are important in your life, that have made an impact, friends that make all the difference in your day, they are family. You don't have to be blood related.

The flip side of that is when my kids ask about aunt/uncles and cousins. Hey have none. We have no real family. Christmases void of living rooms filled with kids. It makes me sad sometimes. And yes, I admit I find myself a tad envious of adult women that have Mommy and Daddy pampering them even as adults! I wouldn't want to live like that, but I wouldn't mind knowing what it felt like once and a while. 

• Meds:

Have I mentioned, I HATE taking 24 pills a day? Side effects? Ha! Yep. The latest one has colors looking strange almost washed out and green tinged. One of the meds is making patches of hair fall out. Oh my favorite is the one that makes me a complete idiot... Foggy in the brain. Like I cant find the correct words to use. Not complicated descriptive terms, but words like book, door, and apple. Oh yeah... Say goodbye to my Mensa status! LOL

• Random:

I just saw a commercial for Scientology. Wow... Really? They advertise now.

I cant help but laugh.

Ever see those little black birds that fly together in a pack? They switch directions and turn in sync. Its kind of cool to watch. It seems like Im the only person I know that thinks they are amazing to watch. The look like they are choreographed. Anybody know what kind of birds they are?

Well, not too heavy or crazy for my first entry huh? Time for tea and hopefully sleep. 

"Goodnight, you princes of Maine. You kings of New England." ~The Cider House Rules